A Larsapalooza

Tonight, Lars, Benjy and I saw "Hotel Transylvania" at a local multiplex. We had a blast. The parts I didn't sleep through were truly adorable (I've been known to sleep through all genres of movies, including thrillers and horror flicks, as well as World Series and Super Bowl slugfests. I am an equal opportunity sleeper).

Anyway, the movie was a hoot but the funniest moment was on the ride home. You see, there is an "homage" to (read: satire of) "Twilight" in the movie. Benjy was appropriately eye-rolly at the reference to his least favorite franchise.

"Geez, 'Twilight' is a worse love story than watching some guy pooping," he said.

"Ew," I said, and laughed.

Lars took his eyes off the road for one of those frighteningly long moments he likes (the kind of long moment he used to terrify me with while driving in Europe) and said, "What is this 'Twilight'? Is it on television?"

Snorts from the back seat.

"Watch the road," I said sternly. "And, REALLY?"

"Well, what is it? And what is it about?"

Then I got mad." KRISTIN STEWART AND ROBERT PATTINSON?" I screamed. "YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF THEM?"

"No."

"And you NEVER heard of Twilight?"

"No. What's it about?"

"Lars. Do you live in a GODDAMN BUBBLE?"

"Language, Mom," said Benjy from the back, enjoying himself immensely.

"I try to insulate myself from that stuff," Lars replied coolly.

"Well," I snapped. "Let me just tell you that the "Twilight Franchise" is the brainchild of a woman who had an icky dream and woke up and wrote it all down, kind of like Coleridge -- remember Kubla Khan, and the messenger from Porlock? [Sorry, folks, a little English-nerd indulgence here.] Well, this was EXACTLY NOT LIKE THAT. And then Stephanie Meyer became ultra rich and lived happily ever after."

"So this Twilight is not something I would like?"

"You'd love it. I'll buy it for you tomorrow."

"Thank you," he said, without a trace of irony.

I looked back at Benjy but it was too dark to read his face. We got home and Lars disappeared upstairs.

I can't wait to tell Saskia this one. She'll say, "Why am I not surprised? The guy wears Birkenstocks with white socks, year round." She and I will share a laugh. Then I will go hunt Lars down and and give him a fierce hug.