I Don't Know How She Does It

Did you ever read that book, I Don't Know How She Does It? It's a fun read, all about a working mom competing (in her mind) against the "mothers superior" (read: stay-at-home moms) and feeling like she'll never hold it together. Of course, she does, and with aplomb (and a large measure of stress and disarray).

Well, I felt rather like Kate Reddy, the heroine of that book, when I was working full time and parenting two children, one disabled -- although I'm not sure I did anything with aplomb. I kept us all fed and clothed (more or less -- not counting the holes), and kept Benjy alive. I guess that's saying something.

Now I am not working and I feel, if possible, even more like I can't hold it together. I didn't feel that way at first. But now that Saskia's illness, whatever it is, is waxing, now that we are seeing "ologists" every week, and she continues to feel exhausted and full of malaise, grow new lesions, lose hair, look ghastly white, AND SO ON, I am beginning to think I'm going to lose it.

I would give my left arm -- and I'm left-handed -- to be one of those prosperous, healthy families we seem to be surrounded by. I'd be willing to forgo prosperous. Just make us healthy, please.

So here I am, losing it. Actually, not so much. Instead of losing I am gaining. What consoles me is food, preferably of the carby variety. So I'm eating myself silly. Why oh why couldn't I be one of those gals who STOPS eating under stress? Just lucky, I guess.

Good thing I am too tired lazy to go shopping to replenish our stores; all I had in the house this morning was kale. So I will shortly be consuming some AWESOME homemade kale chips. (I really do mean awesome. Kale chips are yummy AND good for you.)

Next on today's agenda is a meeting with Saskia's teachers, to plead with them that they reduce Saskia's homework. she comes home from six hours of school to face four to six hours of homework on a regular basis. This must violate some child labor law, don't you think?

Anyway, that's my rant for today. I promise to return to the old upbeat programming as soon as possible. So stay tuned!